How to Communicate Effectively About Student Behavior

Communicating about behaviors in the classroom doesn’t have to be scary, contentious, or negative. When teachers, parents, and students can all come together toward a common goal, the whole process operates more smoothly. Let’s dive in!

Consider this conversation between Ms. Richardson, a kindergarten teacher, and Ms. Harris, the parent of a student in her class:

Ms. Richardson: Hi, Ms. Harris. I was just calling to tell you about a situation that happened today involving Trevor.

Ms. Harris: Okay, what happened?

Ms. Richardson: Well, he got upset at a classmate at the art center and ripped up that student’s artwork. When I asked him to make things right with the other student, he called me “stupid.”

Ms. Harris: That just doesn’t sound like him! Is there something else that might have made him mad today?

Ms. Richardson: No, he does this pretty often actually. I think you should talk to him at home about it.

Ms. Harris: I will, thanks.

What do you think? Was this conversation good, bad, or in-between? Was it productive? Will it help Ms. Richardson and Ms. Harris understand Trevor’s behavior and improve it?

In the teacher-parent relationship, children’s behavior in the classroom can be one of the most challenging topics to communicate about. In these situations, it’s easy for either side to feel misunderstood or defensive. Teachers might feel like parents doubt their classroom management skills, and parents sometimes feel like a teacher simply doesn’t like their child. Most of the time, when everyone takes a step back, it becomes clear that everyone ultimately wants the child to succeed in the classroom. But, it takes mutual respect and understanding to communicate effectively and then manage students’ behavior.

We have a few tips for parents and teachers on how to accomplish this and start the school year off on the right foot.

Be a Proactive Communicator

The earlier teachers and families establish open lines of communication, the better. Taking a moment to have a few positive chats early in the school year pays off in the long run!

Teachers should make it a point to connect with parents in the first week or two of school by giving families a quick call or sending a short email. Asking parents, “What is the most important thing for me to know about your student?” is a great place to start.

Providing a detailed “Getting to Know You” form to parents at the start of the year can also be helpful. Just be sure that they have plenty of time to fill it out, as parents are often inundated with tasks in the back-to-school season!

Parents can be proactive by attending Back-to-School Night, introducing themselves, and quickly returning any forms from their child’s teacher. Thoughtfully answering questions about your child’s temperament, likes and dislikes, and home life can shed important light on your child’s behavior at school and help teachers respond to their individual needs.

Parents and Teachers – Check-in Regularly

Teachers often keep parents in the loop on what is happening in their classrooms through periodic newsletters or weekly emails. However, this is often limited to weekly themes, school events, and maybe a photo or two. It’s important for teachers also to take time to update parents with a more personal message, maybe once a week or every other week, to communicate about their students specifically. If you have a large class, you might split the students into groups and send a message to one set of parents on Mondays, the next set on Tuesdays, etc.

Teachers communicate with many students and families, so it’s also helpful for parents to start the conversation from time to time. This also lets teachers know that you value their input and want to be on the same page with them regarding your child’s behavior at school.

Focus on Positivity

Reaching out to parents to relay a positive story about their child goes a long way! Strive to share three positive things for every one negative thing you have to say. Finding something positive in each day also helps your morale.

Document the Behavior and Your Strategies

If a particular behavior becomes overwhelming in the classroom, it may be time to start recording what is occurring. One of the most useful ways of doing this is an ABC chart; this documents the “A”- antecedent, “B”- behavior, and “C”- consequence for every instance of a challenging behavior during the school day. This helps the teacher better understand what might be leading to the behavior and anything that might help prevent or reduce the behavior. This documentation can also be shared with the parent so that they can better understand what is happening at school and how it affects their child’s learning.

Pick the type of documentation that is easiest for you to keep up with and communicate. This could be a Google Doc, a note on your phone, or a student behavior tracking app. Most importantly, you can consistently track behavior in real-time.

If these behaviors also occur at home, parents can track them there. At parent-teacher conferences or during informal chats, parents and teachers can compare their notes to have a more cohesive picture of what may be causing the child to behave in a particular way.

Tackle One Behavior at a Time

If a student exhibits multiple challenging behaviors, it is best to focus on one at a time. Pick one that is particularly disruptive to your day and focus all of your efforts on improving that. Once this behavior is better managed, then you can move on to the next most challenging behavior, and so on. This keeps everyone (the child included!) from being overwhelmed.

Collaborate to Create a Common Language & Strategies

When teachers and parents collaborate and share a common language when discussing student behavior, it helps children understand that there is consistency across environments. For instance, if a child is struggling with hitting others when they are frustrated, parents and teachers might use the common phrasing, “It’s okay to be upset, but it’s not okay to hit others.”

Teachers and parents might also collaborate on a set of strategies to use when behaviors arise. This might look like taking special, deep breaths, like “belly breaths” or “rainbow breaths.” You might also allow a child to use a common fidget, like a stress ball or other sensory toy, to release frustrated energy. This means that the child will always have access to the tools that help them, whether at school or at home!

For students, consistent language and strategies help build trust. Parents can even extend this to figures of authority in extracurricular activities by talking to coaches, music instructors, etc., about how to address any behaviors that may arise there.

Establish Trust and Mutual Respect

The most important and effective way to promote students’ positive behavior is to establish open lines of communication and mutual respect between everyone involved. Parents must trust the teachers’ expertise and show that they value their efforts in the classroom. Teachers should acknowledge that parents know their children at a core level and love them unconditionally. Teachers and parents must demonstrate to students that they care for and believe in them. And students must believe in themselves and feel empowered to do their best daily. When you have mutual respect and understanding, every interaction can be more productive.

With all of this in mind, let’s reimagine our scenario from the beginning of this article, with these tips taken into consideration:

Ms. Richardson: Hi, Ms. Harris. I just wanted to have a quick chat about how Trevor has been doing in class lately! Are you available to talk for a few minutes?

Ms. Harris: Sure!

Ms. Richardson: Well, Trevor usually seems to be enjoying himself at school! He always loves coming to small groups with me, especially if any art projects are involved! I did notice that he can get kind of frustrated when he doesn’t do something perfectly on the first try, though. Have you noticed that at home?

Ms. Harris: Oh yes, he can be quick to get angry if he “messes up” his pictures. I try to tell him that it’s okay and that he is still just learning, and sometimes we take deep breaths to calm down before we try again.

Ms. Richardson: I’ve been noticing that at school as well. Today, actually, another student told him he colored outside the lines on his picture, and he crumpled it up and then ripped the other student’s paper. I tried having him apologize later, but he wasn’t willing to. I told him I would have to speak with you about it.

Ms. Harris: Wow! That is not okay. I’ll definitely speak to him about respecting others’ things this evening. Is he doing okay in class otherwise?

Ms. Richardson: Yes, he usually is pretty friendly and plays with others well at the sand table and dramatic play center. I’ll try some of your ideas next time too. I just wanted to let you know what happened!

Ms. Harris: I’m glad to hear that. Thanks for calling, I’ll check in again later this week to see if he’s doing any better!

Ms. Richardson: Sounds good, we will talk soon!

This time, the conversation between the parent and teacher was more detailed, took on a more neutral tone, and ended with an established plan going forward. It’s likely that both the parent and teacher ended the conversation feeling like they were part of the same team!

We wish you the best of luck in building relationships this school year!